WTF Is Sensate Focus?
The Sex Therapy Exercise You've Probably Never Heard Of...
And why I think it deserves more attention as well as a little updating.
So, what exactly is sensate focus?
Sensate focus has been a cornerstone of sex therapy since the 1960s, when pioneering sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson introduced it as a way to help couples overcome sexual difficulties. The premise is surprisingly simple: partners engage in structured touch exercises without trying to achieve arousal, orgasm, or even pleasure. Instead, they focus on noticing physical sensations like temperature, pressure, and texture.
Essentially, it's an opportunity to get out of your head and into your body.
Sensate focus is commonly used in sex therapy to address concerns like performance anxiety, low desire, desire discrepancy, and difficulties with sexual arousal. But rather than trying to make sex happen, the exercises invite partners to approach physical intimacy with curiosity instead of expectation.
But does it work?
Honestly, given that sensate focus is such a cornerstone of sex therapy, it has a surprisingly limited body of high-quality research behind it. But the research that is out there suggests that it can improve many aspects of sexual functioning and help people shift away from performance-focused sexual experiences.
In my clinical experience as well as that of my sex therapy colleagues, we have found sensate focus to be very effective! More research is needed, though, especially research involving LGBTQ+ couples, trauma survivors, and other populations historically underrepresented in sex research!
What does traditional sensate focus actually look like?
In the original Masters and Johnson approach, couples were typically instructed to undress and take turns touching each other's bodies, initially avoiding breasts and genitals.
The person doing the touching was encouraged to focus on their own sensory experience rather than trying to please, arouse, or perform for their partner. The person receiving touch was similarly encouraged to notice the sensations of being touched.
Over time, the exercises progressed to include more intimate areas of the body, with additional exercises sometimes involving genital contact and eventually intercourse, depending on the sexual difficulty being treated.
The idea was to interrupt something Masters and Johnson called spectatoring: that all-too-familiar experience of mentally stepping outside your body to evaluate how you're doing during sex.
Am I turned on enough? Is my partner enjoying this? Am I doing this right?
Sensate focus invites you to stop monitoring your performance and start noticing your experience.
My (loving) criticisms of traditional sensate focus
I use sensate focus regularly in my clinical practice. I also think some aspects of the traditional approach deserve updating.
For starters, imagine telling someone who's already anxious about physical intimacy—or someone with a history of sexual trauma—that their homework is to get naked and take turns touching their partner's body wherever they want. No offense to Masters and Johnson, but that feels insane to me.
My sex therapy supervisor, Dr. Rachel Pearson, was instrumental in helping me reimagine what sensate focus could look like. Through her mentorship, I began thinking more critically about how to adapt these exercises to be more trauma-informed, inclusive, and accessible, without losing the core principles that make sensate focus so valuable.
In my work, I often break the exercises into much smaller, more approachable steps. Sometimes that means beginning fully clothed, with something as simple as touching each other's hands. Sometimes it means keeping certain body parts off-limits, introducing grounding exercises, or giving partners explicit permission to pause, stop, or change their minds at any point.
I also have some critiques of the heteronormative assumptions embedded in the original approach. Traditional sex therapy often centered heterosexual couples, with intercourse treated as an eventual destination.
But penetration isn't everyone's goal. And it certainly shouldn't be a requirement for successful intimacy. In my approach, penetration is always optional. There's no gold star for making it to the final step.
The goal isn't to get people to have more sex. It's to help create the conditions for physical intimacy that actually feels safe, wanted, and worthwhile.
So what does my version look like?
I've created a trauma-informed sensate focus guide that builds on the original approach while offering more flexibility, choice, and room to move at your own pace.
Rather than jumping straight into full-body touch, the guide includes options like:
Starting with hands-only touch, fully clothed, if full-body touch feels overwhelming.
Keeping clothes on for as long as you want, including during later exercises.
Hand-riding, where the person being touched gently guides their partner's hand to adjust pressure, pace, or location.
Naming off-limits areas before each exercise, with permission to change those boundaries at any time.
Pausing, stopping, or using grounding techniques when sensations feel overwhelming or disconnecting.
Treating penetration as entirely optional, rather than something you're supposed to work toward.
The guide also includes step-by-step exercises and reflection questions to help partners approach physical intimacy with curiosity rather than pressure.
You don't need to feel sexually aroused to participate. You do need to feel willing, respected, and able to make choices about your own body.
References & Further Reading
Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1970). Human sexual inadequacy. Little, Brown and Company.
Huang, S., Li, Z., & Santtila, P. (2024). The effectiveness of online sensate focus exercises in enhancing sexual function and intimacy among Chinese heterosexual couples: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 50(6), 707–724.
Brotto, L. A., et al. (2025). Psychological and interpersonal dimensions of sexual function and dysfunction: Recommendations from the fifth International Consultation on Sexual Medicine (ICSM 2024). Sexual Medicine Reviews, 13(2), 118–143.
Fogel Mersy, L., & Vencill, J. A. (2023). Desire: An inclusive guide to navigating libido differences in relationships. Beacon Press. See the chapter on sensate focus.
Weiner, L., & Avery-Clark, C. (2017). Sensate focus in sex therapy: The illustrated manual. Routledge.
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