Trauma is not defined by the event itself, but by the impact of the event. What traumatizes one person may not affect another in the same way. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to be traumatized. Whether or not something traumatizes you depends on how your nervous system responds to the event, which is beyond your conscious control.
What is Trauma?
Trauma occurs when an experience is too much, too soon, or too fast for our nervous system to handle effectively. In these moments, we can feel particularly overwhelmed, trapped, or powerless. A traumatic experience is typically highly negatively charged, leaving individuals feeling like they are unable to escape, fight, or respond in a way that provides safety.
When the body detects a threat, a cascade of reactions occurs in the brain. Within moments of perceiving danger, the brain shifts its focus away from higher-order thinking (like planning or rational decision-making) and activates survival mechanisms. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for thinking critically and logically, "goes offline." In its place, the brain's survival system (or limbic system) takes over, triggering responses such as fight, flight, freeze, fawn or flop (known as the 5 Fs).
Fight: We become aggressive or defensive to protect ourselves.
Flight: We try to escape the threat.
Freeze: We become immobilized.
Fawn: We try to connect, please, or placate the threat in an unconscious attempt to avoid further harm.
Flop: We completely shut down or dissociate.
If the brain doesn't immediately find a way out of the situation, it results to freeze or flop, leading to an immobilizing sense of helplessness or disconnection.
Why Trauma Sticks Around
Trauma doesn't just vanish after the event ends. The brain’s survival mechanisms may continue to impact the nervous system, keeping the body in a near-constant state of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or flop long after the danger is gone. Even if someone isn’t consciously thinking about the traumatic event, they may experience the same heightened physiological responses—racing heart, shallow breathing, a sense of impending doom—similar to how they felt during the trauma itself.
This is because trauma often prevents the brain from processing the experience properly in the first place. The overwhelming emotions and sensations during the trauma hijack the nervous system, preventing it from fully integrating the event. This leaves the trauma stuck in the body and mind, requiring outside help to be properly resolved. Trauma, in essence, needs something further to dislodge it—whether that’s professional support, therapeutic tools, or other interventions.
What is PTSD and C-PTSD?
For many individuals, the aftereffects of trauma are chronic, leading to conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD).
PTSD can occur after any traumatic event, and its symptoms often include:
Flashbacks or intrusive memories
Hypervigilance (feeling “on edge” or overly alert)
Avoidance of triggers
Emotional numbing or detachment
C-PTSD, which often arises from prolonged or repeated trauma (such as childhood neglect or abuse), adds additional layers of emotional and psychological suffering. C-PTSD symptoms can include:
Difficulty regulating emotions, such as feelings of shame, despair, or rage
A shattered sense of identity and self-worth
Reliving the trauma through dissociation or emotional reactivity
The Role of Shame in Trauma
One of the most pervasive feelings in trauma recovery is shame. Often, survivors feel like they either did something wrong or that something is wrong with them. This is a natural response resulting from the brain's need to find control and meaning in what happened. Shame allows us to maintain the illusion of control - i.e. if it really were my fault, then I could have prevented it and therefore I can prevent it in the future.
Shame can actually be really (temporarily) adaptive in the case of childhood trauma. In order to survive a childhood of abuse, neglect, or other forms of trauma, a child might need to believe "this is only happening to me because I'm a bad kid; if I try to be better then bad stuff will stop happening." The alternative- "I'm being raised by abusive and unpredictable caregivers" might be too scary to live with.
While shame is a natural way for the brain to try to make sense of traumatic events, healing shame is a crucial part of trauma recovery. Shame can deeply impact a person's sense of self-worth, identity, and their ability to connect with others. Healing shame is about recognizing and dismantling the negative self-beliefs created by trauma, and reclaiming a sense of self-worth, self-acceptance, and connection.
How to Heal from Trauma
Healing from trauma requires a holistic approach that goes beyond just talking about the experience. Because trauma impacts the brain’s sensory and emotional centers, healing requires working through the parts of the brain that were activated during the traumatic event. While talk therapy can be helpful for gaining intellectual insight, full healing requires connecting with your body and emotions.
Coming back into your body after trauma can be a difficult and scary process for many survivors. The body often feels unsafe or disconnected, and the idea of feeling physical sensations can feel overwhelming. But in order to heal, we must re-establish a sense of safety in our bodies.
The most effective therapeutic approaches to trauma healing are those that integrate body and mind. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Somatic Experiencing are two powerful therapies that specifically focus on the body’s experience of trauma and help facilitate its release. Both of these methods work to help the nervous system return to a state of balance and allow the body to process the overwhelming emotions, sensations, and memories that the trauma has left behind.
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (often through eye movements or tapping) to help the brain resume its natural healing process of reprocessing the trauma and reducing its emotional charge.
Somatic Experiencing focuses on physical sensations and bodily responses to trauma, helping clients gradually release the stored tension and energy associated with the traumatic experience.
In addition to therapy, there are many practices that can help reconnect you with your body, such as mindfulness, yoga, and dance. These activities help you become more attuned to your bodily sensations, creating a space where healing can begin.
Finding the Right Therapist
If you're seeking support in your trauma recovery journey, look for therapists who are trained in somatic or body-centered approaches, such as EMDR or Somatic Experiencing. These therapists understand that healing from trauma requires more than just verbal processing; it involves helping you feel through your experience and release the emotions, sensations, and energy that have been stuck in your body.
A trauma-informed therapist can guide you through this process with empathy and care, helping you reconnect with yourself and begin the work of healing.
HEALING IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE even though it doesn't feel like it!
It's normal to feel hopeless in the wake of a trauma, but please realize that this feeling is not a reflection of reality. There are plenty of scientific studies providing evidence that trauma is treatable.
It is also important to realize that healing takes time and can be painful. As you begin processing memories and emotions that you have suppressed, as your body begins to thaw and come alive again, you might start feeling worse before you feel better. You might at times feel like you are going backwards. But pain, devastation, and dicult emotions are all part of the process. Try to accept your healing process even if it doesn't look or feel like you want it to.
References
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
American Psychological Association (APA). (2023). Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/ptsd.
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (2022). Understanding Trauma and PTSD. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd.
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